Your Preceptor Problem Might Be Fixable. Here's How to Find Out.

And the answer was yes. Or at least something close to it. You think you could want this job if things were different.

Now you need to figure out what "different" looks like and whether you can actually get there.

Because here's what I've learned, from both sides of this: some preceptor problems come down to mismatched expectations, poor communication, or a pairing that isn't working. Others involve mistreatment or unsafe supervision. And figuring out which one you're dealing with matters, because they don't have the same fix.

I've had two very different experiences with this. The first time, I stayed quiet (when I really should have spoken up). And the second time? I was older and wiser and I spoke up.

I Had Two Preceptors Who Made Me Dread Going In

The first was actually during my senior year nursing internship. My preceptor was older, close to retirement, and I think she saw me as someone to hand off the stuff she didn't want to do. She spent most of her time chatting with other staff at the nurses station while I was trying to figure things out on my own.

When I asked questions, it didn’t feel like she was actually listening. And I was too young at the time to understand that what was happening wasn't just uncomfortable, it was unsafe. I didn't have the experience to know that I needed to say something to someone. So I didn't.

In fact, in the moment I actually thought to myself, “wow, I must be doing really well. She really trusts me” And it was only towards the end of the internship (after I’d made a mistake) that I realized how dysfunctional it really was.

The second experience with a challenging preceptor was at a job after I was already a nurse. This preceptor was the lead nurse (and only one!) for the specialty I was training in, so there was no switching. She was critical and I felt like she picked apart everything I did. I'd walk away from a shift feeling defeated even when I was doing well. I dreaded the days I knew I'd be working with her.

I was a little older this time around and I knew that I could speak up. I requested a check-in with my manager to discuss how the orientation was going and I told her that while I enjoyed the work, I was struggling with my relationship with the preceptor. I was careful not to blame, but I explained that I walked away from most shifts feeling criticized and frustrated.

And here's what happened: the manager talked with my preceptor and turns out, she didn't realize that her strict personality was making it really hard for me to learn. She wasn't trying to tear me down.

So, we found a way to move forward. It wasn't perfect and we never became best friends, but it was workable and I no longer dreaded every single day.

I had two preceptor problems with two different outcomes. In the second experience, speaking up opened the door to change.

That's what this whole piece is about. The practical stuff you can do when orientation isn't working, before you decide whether to stay or go.

Figure Out What You're Actually Dealing With

Not all preceptor problems are the same, and they don't all have the same fix, just like in my examples.

Some preceptors give vague feedback or have a teaching style that doesn't match how you learn. That may be a mismatch or a communication problem. It's worth addressing, and it may improve once expectations are clear.

But inadequate supervision, like in my first example, is a safety concern, not simply a teaching preference. I wish I had known that then and had the confidence to speak up.

Some other behavior deserves attention even when it doesn't meet a definition of bullying. Like a preceptor who speaks down to you in front of patients or one who mocks what you don't know yet. A preceptor who gives you assignments you haven't been trained for and then criticizes you when you struggle, or one who is friendly to your face but tears you apart to the rest of the unit.

That's not a style mismatch. And it doesn't improve with a better attitude on your part.

Renee Thompson, a nurse and workplace bullying expert, uses three questions to help sort this out:

1. Is the behavior targeted at you specifically?
2. Is it harmful to your reputation, your confidence, or your ability to do the work?
3. Is it repeated?

If your preceptor’s behavior is checking all three boxes, you're probably looking at a pattern. These questions are a reflection tool, not a legal definition. But they can help you get clear about what you're dealing with so you know what to do next.

And one more thing: you don't need to wait weeks to raise a concern. If something feels unsafe or you're being mistreated, that deserves attention now.

How to Speak Up (and Who to Talk To)

This is the part that feels impossible when you're new. You don't want to be seen as difficult. You don't want to burn a bridge in your first month, especially when you are trying to prove you belong there.

I get it. I've been there. And I'm telling you: saying something is almost always better than saying nothing.

If the problem is a teaching mismatch, and you feel comfortable, try a specific request to your preceptor: "Could we take five minutes at the end of each shift to review what went well and what I need to work on?"

You can also start with whoever coordinates your orientation. That might be a nurse educator, a preceptor coordinator, or your manager. Just be specific about what would help you learn.

Something like: "The current pairing isn't giving me the kind of structured feedback I need to build confidence in [whatever the skill area is]. Could I try a shift or two with a different preceptor to see if a different teaching style helps?"

You're not calling anyone a bad nurse. You're describing a gap and suggesting a solution.

A few things that help: start with appreciation for what you have learned. Avoid labels like "bad" or "toxic" when the real issue is style. Give one or two specific examples, not a list of grievances. Avoid spreading rumors or turning the situation into unit gossip. You can still seek perspective and support from a trusted colleague, mentor, or union representative.

If the problem is bullying, discrimination, or unsafe supervision, you don't need to frame it as a learning preference. Describe what happened. Be accurate. Go to the educator, manager, or whatever reporting channel your facility has.

You do not have to confront the person before seeking help, especially if you feel unsafe or worry that speaking to them directly could make things worse.

If you're in a union, loop in your rep early. Your rep can explain your rights, help you prepare, and advise you about representation at meetings. Union representation isn't a last resort. It's a resource.

And one thing worth saying out loud: no script guarantees another person's reaction. You can frame the conversation perfectly and your manager might still handle it poorly. The goal is to raise the concern professionally. You can't control what happens after that. But you can make sure it's on the record.

What Should Happen After You Speak Up

When you bring a concern to leadership, reasonable responses include things like adjusting your orientation plan, scheduling regular feedback sessions, reassigning your preceptor when it's possible, or providing the preceptor with additional training on how to teach.

Before you leave the meeting, agree on what will change and when you'll review it. That might mean clear weekly goals, brief end-of-shift feedback, or a trial with another preceptor. Confirm the plan in writing, including who's responsible for what.

A follow-up email works well for this. Something like, “Thanks for meeting with me today. Just want to confirm that we agreed on [whatever the plan is] and that we’ll check in again on [date].” It doesn’t need to be formal. It just needs to exist.

At follow-up, ask: Am I getting the promised support? Are expectations clearer? Can I ask questions without being mocked? Am I making progress toward the required competencies?

The timing depends on the concern. An immediate safety issue needs action now, not a trial period.

A promised solution that never materializes is just a conversation that went nowhere. If the same problems keep showing up after you've raised them, that tells you something too.

Keep notes the whole way through. Dates, what happened, who was there, how it affected your learning or your patients. Factual, specific, without patient identifiers or copied medical records. If you ever need to escalate further, documentation is what gives you something concrete to point to.

If an incident or near miss occurs, follow your facility’s safety reporting process too. Personal notes don’t replace that report.

Know Where to Take Different Concerns

Not every concern goes to the same person, and you don't have to work your way up a chain before you're allowed to report something serious.

A teaching style mismatch or unclear expectations? Your educator, coordinator, or manager can usually handle that.

An immediate safety or supervision concern during a shift? The charge nurse or your supervisor right then. Be direct: "I haven't performed this independently yet. I need supervision." It doesn't wait for a scheduled meeting.

Bullying that isn't resolved through nursing management? HR or employee relations.

Harassment, discrimination, or retaliation? HR, employee relations, or the designated reporting channel at your facility. You don't need to exhaust other options first.

Threats or immediate danger? Contact security or activate your facility's emergency response as appropriate.

If your manager is involved in the problem, use another reporting contact, such as the next nursing leader, HR, or an ethics or compliance hotline.

The point is to match the concern to the right channel, not to follow a mandatory ladder where you have to clear one level before you're allowed to go to the next.

Would a Transfer Fix This?

Sometimes the job isn't the problem. The unit is.

An internal transfer can be worth exploring when you like the work but not the team, when the problems are specific to your unit and not hospital-wide, or when you've identified a different specialty that genuinely fits better.

A transfer won't fix hospital-wide problems, like chronic understaffing, leadership that tolerates bullying, or inadequate support across units. But another unit might still offer better supervision, stronger teamwork, or a more supportive manager. Find out whether the receiving unit actually offers something different.

If you're thinking about it, check your facility's policy first. Some places have minimum-tenure requirements before you're eligible. Find out early so you're not surprised.

Frame it around career fit: "I've realized that [other specialty] aligns better with my clinical interests and long-term goals. Can we discuss whether a transfer is possible?" You can explore a transfer and report workplace concerns through separate channels at the same time. You don't have to pick one.

Hard Feedback vs. Mistreatment

This is where it gets tricky, because the line isn't always obvious.

Good feedback, even when it stings, is specific. It names what happened and what to do differently. It's clinically accurate. It might be blunt or direct, but it's not humiliating. And it comes with teaching or support afterward.

A preceptor who says "Your handoff left out the pending lab result. Let's review what the next nurse needs to know" is giving you something specific to improve.

A preceptor may need to correct you immediately, even in front of others, to prevent harm. That is different from mocking you, making personal remarks, or turning a correction into a public takedown.

Feedback can be clinically accurate and still be delivered in a way that's harmful. One doesn't excuse the other.

The ANA treats incivility and bullying as organizational and patient safety concerns, not just personality clashes. Its current position statement describes behaviors such as dismissiveness, exclusion, gossip, withholding support, and sabotage.

After a rough interaction with your preceptor, ask yourself: Was the feedback accurate, specific, actionable, and respectful? Did I get the support I needed to actually improve? If the answer is yes and you're just uncomfortable because the bar is high, that might be growth. If the answer is no and you're afraid to ask questions, that's a learning environment problem.

The American Association of Critical-Care Nurses (AACN) identifies six healthy work environment standards: skilled communication, true collaboration, effective decision-making, appropriate staffing, meaningful recognition, and authentic leadership. Those standards can give you a framework for thinking about what's working and what's missing. AACN also offers a free assessment designed for teams; it isn't a test that determines whether you or your workplace is the problem.

Workplace problems and your own learning curve can exist at the same time. The point isn't to assign blame. It's to get clear about what's actually happening so you know what to do about it.

What Comes Next

After you've raised your concerns and had a chance to assess the response, things may be getting better. Or you may still be deciding whether the changes are enough.

If you're making progress and the job is starting to feel like something you actually want, keep going.

Or you've tried, the problems haven't changed, and you're starting to think about leaving.

In part three, we're getting into that. How to leave during orientation or after without torching your career. What training repayment agreements actually say and what's changing. What patient abandonment really means (and doesn't mean). And how to protect yourself, your license, and your next opportunity.

Because sometimes the answer to "can this get better?" is no. And you deserve to know what to do with that.

Sources

• Blegen et al., "Preceptor Support in Hospital Transition to Practice Programs," JONA, 2015
• ANA: Fostering Civility and Respect in Nursing: Empowering Nurses to Prevent Incivility and Bullying (2026)
• AACN Healthy Work Environment Standards
• FreshRN/Kati Kleber: Is Your Preceptor a Bully?
• Berxi: What Is Nurse Bullying?
• NurseCoachCaroline: How to Handle a Preceptor That Isn't the Right Fit
• Nurse.com/Donna Cardillo: Having Trouble with My Preceptor
• WorkingNurse: Constructive Criticism
• Healthy Workforce Institute/Renee Thompson: Leadership Q&A, Episode 70
• AHRQ TeamSTEPPS: Formative Feedback
• AHRQ TeamSTEPPS: Advocacy and Assertion
• NLRB: Weingarten Rights